Getting owned by #twinslife…better #manup #beadad
When is the last time you have gotten owned! You know..
taken to the cleaners…
had your world rocked…
been humbled beyond belief…
cried for mercy…
had to get two screaming babies destroy your nerves…
There are few things that will drive my nerves into a oblivion…than two infants that cannot tell you what is wrong, yet and cry and scream simultaneously.
Sometimes I feel like an absent father, running all over the place for work then trying to get home in-time to take over. It is tough. But what is tougher…walking into the house when both boys are exhausted from the day, Rosebud crashing after a long day in school, and Sarah looking like she needs more than just a bottle of wine.
We men have to own it.
We have to step up and realize that we are partners in this venture of parenthood. We have to get past our predispositions and own the fact that fatherhood is more than just bringing home the bread. We have to find a bigger balance, a larger role, a place where we are a vital part of our children’s active lives.
What does it truly mean to be a man?
Heck if I know…but it has to be more than the passive approach the fatherhood. For the first two months of the twins life, I was scared of the twins. Yes…I was overwhelmed by the notion that two of these little beings were getting ready to invade our house, and wreck this wonderful thing we call life. I know…it sounds bad…but I was scared and overwhelmed the same time.
I had found myself completely invested in growing a business and enjoying the fruits of our parenting Rosebud, who was becoming a little individual. Yes, those Sunday naps were awesome. And those long business trips, poker nights with the boys, golf outings, and even those leisurely evenings chilling before bed…so nice.
CRUISE CONTROL PLEASE…with a nice glass of nightly bourbon!
Early on…the idea of twins was great, but the moment they came home; I was resisting this additional role as a father. I did…and I thought it would take care of itself. But, at some point…I had to #ManUP. Yes and either get with the program or risk losing it all.
Sarah and I have never really had this talk about what role each of us play in the house hold. We have always been partners in everything we do. We are problem solvers and we tackle things head first. When she decided she had enough of the corporate world and wanted to stay home and be a mom…I was bit confused. Not because I thought we fell into these roles, but because her career was advancing so much faster than mine. Let’s be honest, she was the Valedictorian of her high school class, went to college on a full academic scholarship (along with being honored as homecoming queen), graduated top of her class in grad school…the girl got smarts and ambition.
When she decided to be a mom…it was a change for me. But it was the best damn thing that ever happened, because she tackles it like everything else. She is the CEO/CFO of the Rettew Ponderosa. Because of this, I took out a massive life insurance policy on her…why, because she does more in a day than I do in a week.
So where is my role in this crazy world? Make a living, be a dad, be a husband, and be present in their lives? I miss those Sunday naps…
A few weeks ago, I started to realize my life had not only shifted based on the numbers in our house moving from three to five…but my schedule shifted. Gone were the days of picking up the laptop for late night preparation. I resisted for a while. I was locked into this notion that my world was primarily committed to business which brought income to the household. Now, I leave work at work and I have found walking into the door each evening is part of that transformation into my role as a father.
A few weeks ago, if the twins were screaming, I would have been so overwhelmed and somewhat annoyed. These two little guys were breaking my style, taking me away from “my important business work” because I had a vision of what I thought my role should be. Just like those screaming little lungs, those little reminders; those two little ones brought me back to the earth and showed me I can either join the family or just be another passive father.
We must find our roles as dads, as fathers, as legacy builders. We must be present even when they scream their little heads off. We have to move away from this gender ideal that dads work and moms stay home and “tend house”.
WE MUST BE PRESENT
We must also have our happy little asses home by 5:30pm or face the wrath of the purple people eaters all by ourselves!!!!
Our roles is bigger than gender roles, stereotypical roles garnered by legalities views of the Bible. We must be more than these stereotypes…we must embrace fatherhood.
Our role is more than reading books to Rosebud at night…we MUST BE PRESENT while we read each word. We must be present and grab both of the boys and calm them together as they scream. We must walk through life together with our families and remind ourselves we are called to do more than just be a leader in the house, but to be a follower as well.
I have been owned, I have been reminded, I have been put in my place…I am a father of twins and a little girl. I better get with the program and enjoy all these little moments. I don’t want to be like the white haired men who stand at podiums sharing their remorse for being a distant father while building a business. The dollars are nice, but getting owned on a daily basis by my family has a bigger place in my legacy.