It has been almost a year and this is the first time in one year that I had the energy to sit-up after putting the twins to bed, watch a game and get a little work done. George and Henry turn one on June 10th…yes! OMG!
For the past year, I have been exhausted…extremely tired. This post-40 life has not only kicked my butt, but having twins has flipped everything upside down. Research shows that men take a huge dip after 40 and is more apparent around 44. No energy, mood swings, lack of drive, and just finding the energy to make it past 8pm is excruciating!
Combine all this with having twins after 40 and you know the result. My creativity “spring” has been a dried up lakebed with cracks all the way through my mental state.
If I am tired…then I know Sarah has to be extremely exhausted. She is beyond amazing…she is the CEO of Twin CEO’s…she has an endurance beyond belief.
Recently I hit a breaking point. From my mood swings, exhaustion, and the impact on my creativity…it was time to make some changes and I have started that process.
But what I have realized…there is no such thing as work/life balance. This cliche is such marketing ploy encouraging employers that we Americans work too damn much, that is time to balance work with life at home. There is more than just balance…the is a whole spectrum of forces that keep the human psyche out of sync. This past Feb 3rd, I had a conversation with a physician on Twitter. She said this as it relates to this idea of work/life balance, and it has been bouncing around in my mind ever since.
Work-Life “balance” is a misnomer. “Balance” implies they are opposing forces. This only sets you up to feel like a failure. I am a better surgeon for being a mom, & better mom for being a surgeon. Family, hobbies, pastimes maintain our humanity.
— Jamie Coleman (@JJcolemanMD) January 29, 2018
Today was the day where the beginning of this new lifestyle is starting to take shape. I walked in the house to my bigger life…my four main responsibilities; Sarah, Rose, George, and Henry. There is no such thing as balance between four people you love…it is about inclusiveness. How can I be present and make myself become more inclusive in their lives. How can I make my career inclusive inside the lives of the people I love and how can prioritize all the relevant responsibilities starting with family, career, volunteering, civic commitments, and….my mental, physical, and emotional health.
Inclusiveness…being present…I am truly beginning to listen to my inner me. This journey has just begun and I have lots to learn.
My body is slowly recuperating. I am finally catching up to the sleep we lost during the first six months of the twin’s lives. During those six months, we barely had more than 2.5 hours of consistent sleep each night. We barely have experienced true down time to allow our mental, emotional, and physical state actually begin to recuperate
My spirit is slowly becoming renewed and it is my hope that as I slowly find what it means to be Bobby again…that I will find a new inclusive lifestyle. This inclusive approach supports a career minded professional whose single income household is underwritten by the business side of creativity, committed to becoming a more loving husband, caring father, and present human being in the lives of the people I love.
No more work/life balance…I want to be inclusive and present!